Thoughts of a Confined Mind
By: DH
As a prisoner I think of what my life would be if my mother didn’t have 5 kids
Just them and no me
Would her life have been any better
If I didn’t live life as her criminal adolescent?
Do I make her feel like a failure? Is she supposed to feel like a failure?
I don’t want her to think she is and she’s definitely not supposed to
But sometimes when I hear her voice, it’s apparent in her mood
Then my mind starts to drift and I think about Dad
To me he’s nothing but a poor excuse of a man
Claiming in his day he had more money than he could count
But his love for drugs has almost taken him out
Then I think about my brothers
No role models, no guidance
I’m supposed to set an example and give them rules and reliance
But how can I give them what I was never provided?
Then I think about my sisters and almost start to cry
But my ego is too big so my face stays dry
Everything happens for a reason so I ask God why
But I must not be worthy because he never replies
So these worries stay thoughts trapped in a confined mind
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The poets featured here are currently incarcerated, and many of them are in federal prisons far from home. Your feedback is a valuable source of motivation and connection to the outside community. Post your comments, feedback, and encouragement in the space below the poem. Messages will be passed on directly to the author. Comments may not appear immediately on the site, as our team processes them to mail to the poets.
Remorse is the key emotion in this poem, which I think is something good because it shows that DH is taking charge of his actions, but he’s also ready to move on and ask for forgiveness.
I identify with this poem because a lot of times I think that I’ve made my mom feel like a failure too, even though she has never done anything wrong.
I think it is extremely brave for DH to express his true feelings in this poem because it really shows that he wants to be a better person for his siblings and his mom, although he feels trapped and unworthy of an answer.
DH,
I read your poem a few days ago, and it struck me as so important that I should take a while to think about it before writing a response for you.
The title / last line creates both strong imagery as well as a brave contrast to “Free Minds”, the label many of your readers will have in the back of their mind as they approach your work.
The way you write about your struggle in relationships with family members is brutally honest, natural, and impossible to disregard. The simple fact that the concern you have for your mother and siblings weighs on you indicates that you love them, and just loving them is a beautiful (and maybe the best) thing you can do.
Thank you for sharing your poem. Please keep writing. I want to read more, and I’m sure your family does too.
Your fan,
Rachael